On Writing, and Suddenly Finding Social Media Enjoyable (!)
Original Publication Date: 2017–12–05
Since coming out publicly, I’ve felt a desire to visibly exist in public. To interact with people outside my small bubble. To share things about myself.
I didn’t have this before. I didn’t feel joy or pleasure in being able to share experiences via social media. It felt like a thing you just have to do; part of the necessary work involving in maintaining friendships. Yet another social thing I wasn’t very good at. I avoided it whenever I could.
I didn’t post a single picture of my Vietnam trip last year to Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat. Not publicly, but not to friends either. I didn’t want to. A few times I realised something I was experiencing was Shareable™ but actually trying to share it was very stressful and anxiety-inducing. Plus, I didn’t want to judge experiences in terms of the amount of likes I’d received. I feared my memories would be corrupted by the reaction. Ultimately, actively using social media wasn’t worth it for me.
However, since coming out publicly, I’ve actually wanted to use social media. I’ve made new Snapchat and Instagram accounts, and I post regularly both publicly and to friends on both. It feels different now. It feels good sharing things. It feels like I’m giving something to people, rather than taking something away.
I didn’t expect this sudden change, and I’m not entirely sure what to do with it. Something that does appeal to me is writing a blog, which has been an aspiration of mine for a long time. I’ve made a number of attempts, but failed each time after the initial burst of writing energy. After I published my coming out pieces a number of people complimented me on the quality of my writing, which has inspired me to give blogging another shot. I like writing, and I think I’m reasonably good at it, but making time for it is hard.
I’m in the US at the moment, on a trip away with friends for several months. I have lots of interesting stuff to write about. Equipped with more rewarding emotional mechanics, and plenty of fresh material, hopefully this time is the time I figure it out.